Movie Review: Napoleon Dynamite

Title: Napoleon Dynamite

Release Date: 2004
Genre: high school, comedy
My Rating: *
Official Rating: PG for thematic elements and language (note the language is the biggest problem)
Age Group: 14+

Summary:
Napoleon lives a boring life. Well, not actually, but he certainly seems to think so. Feeding the llama in the backyard every day doesn't strike him as out of the ordinary, but that seems to be the only interesting thing that ever happens to him.
Then his grandma crashes her dirt bike and his uncle comes to town. The uncle brings scams and a desire to travel back in time, Napoleon's brother's online girlfriend stops in, a girl tries to sell key chains to pay for college, Pedro shows up at school one day, and things just start to explode.
I think. It was hard to tell what was going on.

Word of Warning

•  Cartoony sketch of a woman in a bikini in the intro credits
• Bullying
• Language here was the biggest thing. Napoleon is probably the biggest offender of this. A few of the words we hear: frickin', idiot (this one a lot), dang, flippin'
• Mention of a "buttload of gangs"
• Guy hits his crotch on a bike, doubles over
• Mention of chatting online with "babes"
• A man is shown holding a woman in a chokehold and this is referred to as the "wisdom of man"
• A farmer shoots a cow off screen. The scene is set so that you expect to see this happen, but then a bus of kids pulls in front and the movie watchers don't see it, but the kids do and their faces show their horror.
• Napoleon claims his former girlfriend was a model. Someone asks if she was hot.
• Someone says "You guys are retarded."
• The uncle claims Napoleon still wets the bed to gain sympathy from one of his clients.
• Someone mentions hooking up with chicks.
• There is a sensual slow mo scene of a girl and a guy sharing ice cream and flirting (the entire scene is silent), then playing footsie
• A pinata shaped like a mean girl at school is busted to pieces
• A man sells a herb that apparently enhances bust size. He tries to sell this to high school girls.
• A man shows the possible size of a woman's breasts using sauce pans and putting them right in front of her own. The husband (rightfully) beats this guy up off screen.
• Slightly provocative dancing by an awkward teenager (hip thrusting, etc)
• A kiss (awkward, short barely touching)

My Thoughts
I was told this was funny. After watching ten minutes of it, I was pretty sure I'd figured it out: everyone who watches the movie tells everyone else it's good and super funny, even though it's really awful. I was sure it was an elaborate scam.
Then I talked to some of the people who liked this movie and found out they genuinely liked it.
I had a hard time understanding what was so funny about it. I didn't laugh out loud (and yes, I do that often for movies). I might have smirked at the cow scene (is that wrong?) and whenever they fed the llama, but that was about it. That summary up there was really hard to write.
I'm not saying it was a bad movie. I'm just saying it didn't make much sense to me, and it still doesn't. It's quite possible my sense of humor is very underdeveloped. I know people like this movie, and I am not judging them. I just don't understand what they see in it.

Movie Review: Prom

Title: Prom
Author: Disney
Release Date: 2011
Genre: teen, high school, friendship, romance, drama
My Rating: *
Official Rating: PG for mild language and a brief fight
Age Group: 12+

Summary
Nova, and everyone else at her high school, has been waiting for this night, preparing for it, and everything has to be perfect. Prom is going to bring them all together. Knock down boundaries. Help them find love. Everything will be perfect for one night.
Until Nova's sort-of date cancels on her. And Jordan's boyfriend cheats on her. And Floyd can't even get a girl to go with him. And, and, and. Things fall apart. The decorations burn to the ground. Nova is devastated. This was supposed to be perfect.
So Nova does what she always does. She tries to pull things back together. She gets some unlikely help, and prom ends up happening after all. It's just not what everyone expected.

Word of Warning

• Prom is glorified as being the best thing every, something everyone needs to go to, something that will change lives. This outlook on prom is promoted through the entire movie to the point where it becomes really annoying because everyone watching knows that's not true.
• A student jokingly flirts with his teacher, suggesting they run away together.
• Backhanded reference to girlfriend as a "hot girl"
• Kisses. One from the back that's not visible. At least four others that are visible. One passionate and rather disgusting kiss involving lots of head tilting.
• Guys with no shirts on (letters painted on their chests)
• Girl tends to wear low shirts that reveal a bit of cleavage and short skirts (these aren't as much of a problem since the camera spends most of its time too high to see her legs)
• Mention of serial killers in relation to letters being cut out to create a message. This is meant as a joke.
• Someone mutters, "Oh God"
• A guy is randomly, and with no explanation, in the girls' bathroom. He acts like it's completely normal.
• One kid remarks to his friend that he had better check his breath to make sure he doesn't have "butt mouth" before talking to a girl
• One of the teens has a girlfriend/date who is out clubbing late at night (we do not actually meet her until the end of the movie). This same girl wears a dress which has a slit right down the center. Someone says of her dress that she would have to be a Victoria Secret model to pull it off.
• Guy cheats on his girlfriend and lies about it. He then lies to the other girl he likes. Basically, he lies a lot and manipulates girls.
• Girl tries on a lot of prom dresses (most tight, strapless, low, one with a high slit in the skirt, etc). The guy with her tries to get her to try on a little (very little) black one. She refuses.
• Father listens in on his daughter's conversation with her friends. He then threatens/guilt-trips the guy who likes the daughter into not asking her to prom.
• Brief fist fight. One kid gets beaten and has a bloody mouth. He seems fine otherwise, and the others do as well.
• Parents are awful parents. They are more friends than anything, and when they are parents, they are stressing the child go to a certain college and not mess up any of her plans.

My Thoughts
Um. What to say? It was funny. The best parts were Floyd trying to get a date, the funny things Jesse said, and Lucas and his best buddy Cory (the sophomores).
The writers tried to balance out the sparkly and glorious view of prom with a more negative one, proposed by Jesse, who says prom isn't all that great after all. But even he caves under Nova's dreams for a perfect night.
It's break. I have lots of time, but I do regret spending it watching this movie. Luckily it wasn't very long. It felt pointless. It had its funny moments, yes, but it felt like I was being indoctrinated. Prom is wonderful. Prom is perfect. Everyone loves prom. Everyone goes.
But, content-wise, it wasn't so bad. And as a junior in college, I am clearly not the target audience. And I never went to prom, so who am I to say this movie is wrong?
Maybe it's not. But it is empty. The plot is broken. The character development is nearly nonexistent.
There's nothing to it. It's one of those movies you watch when you're sick because you can't process anything.

Movie Review: Picture This

Title: Picture This
Genre: Romance, High School, Chick Flick
My Rating: -*
Official Rating: PG-13
Age Group: 18+ (or nobody)

Summary: Mandy has been in love with Drew for a full four years or so. Unfortunately, Drew is completely unaware of that. In addition, Mandy lives in a regular town, and Drew lives in a gated community. Not to mention Mandy's father is completely controlling. When she finally does get Drew's attention, her father triple grounds her. How in the world is she going to go to Drew's party?

Word of Warning:
First off, a disclaimer. This was a chick flick and lacking in almost every aspect that makes a good movie. Because of that, I am only going to list the more major problems.

• Mandy is completely infatuated with Drew and has been for some time. We get a slow-mo of him getting out of the pool wearing small tight swim "trunks" (he's on the swim team).
• Mandy hits her head, almost drowns, and Drew gives her CPR. She wakes up to his mouth on hers, his hands on her chest. It takes him a minute to realize he doesn't need to keep his hands there.
• Mandy's father is controlling. Mandy is completely disrespectful toward him.
• Mandy spends a good portion of the movie tricking her dad into thinking she's studying when she's actually going to a party.
• The dress Mandy wears to the party is short, has a low neck, and has slits that go high up the side.
• There's a legend/rumor that the Patterson boys take a girl up to the tower (in their house) at the yearly party. There, they "deflower her in the show." The rhyme of it all only makes this concept even more sick.
• Due to the rumor, when Drew does take Mandy up to the tower, and he leaves the room for a moment, she freaks out when she hears water and leaves. In the other room we see he's just washing his hands and trying hard to relax (apparently he's pretty nervous and his hands were sweaty).
• Mandy never finds out that Drew didn't have a "shower plan" for her, but she does get back together with him at the end of the movie.
• Mandy's father learns a lesson, Mandy is happy, and she never tells him the truth about the party night, though he does have a small inkling of it.
• Mandy and her two friends go to a bar to win some money in a competition.
• One girl throws up. This is recorded and shown to other party-goers, who think it's funny and make fun of her. Mandy's face puffs up in an allergic reaction and she chugs some sort of medication for allergies to get rid of it.
• The typical mean girls group is present and, as expected, ruthless.
• Drew kisses Mandy on the cheek, then later on the lips. The last one is long, but that's because the frame was frozen, music played, and then the credits rolled.

My Thoughts
This is the typical teenage daughter is misunderstood, parent learns a lesson, teenager gets a date, the end type of movie. These movies always try to trick the reader into thinking the teenager had a change of heart as well, especially toward the parent, but it just doesn't happen.
Aside from that, the whole rumor about the show thing was just plain disgusting. Mandy knew the rumor and went up into the tower anyway, trusting Drew was different. Sure, he was, but even if there wasn't a rumor she shouldn't have gone up to his bedroom alone with him.
Sometimes I find a movie like this that had something good to it. This one? Nothing. At all. That's why though it may be appropriate for someone 18+ (very few people at that age are going to enjoy something like this anyway), the movie is empty, kind of like a black hole: nothing to give, everything to take.