Movie Review: Fantastic 4

Title: Fantastic 4
Genre: Action, adventure
Author: Marvel
My Rating: **
Official Rating: PG-13
Age Group: 16+

Summary -
Reed is a brilliant scientist with awesome ideas and no money. Which basically means that unless he can obtain funding from someone rich, he won't be able to do anything with his ideas.
He's able to get Dr. Victor Von Doom to agree to fund an expedition into space to analyze a cloud of cosmic energy that may be able to trigger evolution, and so with his trusty friend Ben, the overconfident Jonny, his ex-girlfriend Sue, and Victor, Reed heads out to space to do brilliant science-y stuff.
But something goes terribly wrong: the cosmic energy is stronger than Reed calculated, and the expedition is caught in a solar storm that morphs their DNA into something... inhuman.
They all develop super-powers and are able to do amazing things, but the effects aren't all good. And Victor, whose carrier is ruined by the accident, decides to take revenge.

The Bad -
- Victor cheats Reed out of a fair share of the profits for his "cosmic cloud" idea.
- There is obvious bad blood between Reed and Sue, and we get the impression early on that their romance ended sourly.
- Jonny (who is incredibly reckless throughout the whole movie) kisses a woman (an underwear model) in a sports-car while driving down a highway on a motorcycle.
- Sue shows cleavage in her space outfit, and obviously tries to gain Reed's attention with it. We see him staring, but it turns out he's interested in something else.
- Jonny plays a very mean trick on Ben by making him think he's deformed after an accident.
- Jonny flirts shamelessly and inappropriately with his nurse.
- Jonny's clothes burn up and he accidently creates a "hot tub" in the snow with his body heat. He then proceeds to invite his date to join him, and she does very willingly. We see Jonny later with only a coat around his waist.
- After the space accident, Ben turns into a "rock monster", and his wife (whom he loves very much) rejects him.
- Sue can turn invisible, but has to strip her clothes off in order to be effective. The first time she does this, she accidently reappears wearing only underclothes.
- Sue mentions wanting to share an apartment with Reed.
- Victor kills a doctor and many others in cold blood.
- Reed walks in on Sue while she's in the shower. He's obviously embarrassed.
- Jonny cheats during a drag-race by burning his opponent's wheels off.
- Jonny takes advantage of the popularity he and the other heroes have gained to cruelly tease the other team members. His worst joke is blatant innuendo about Reed (who has the ability to stretch) expanding any part of himself.
- A character comments about Reed playing "Twister" with Sue.

The Good -
- While the Fantastic 4 are really dysfunctional in the beginning of their relationship, they eventually learn to work together and actually begin to care for each other.

My Thoughts -
Honestly, there's not much to say about this movie. It's so cheesy that it's comparable to filling the space between your ears with CheezWhiz. The only intelligent thoughts that crossed my mind while watching it were:
1. I like Jonny.
2. There's no plot.
3. There's no good dialogue.
4. MY BRAIN IS MELTING!
Adding all the inappropriate (but slightly funny) innuendo to the cheese just makes the movie all the more painful.
The weird thing is, while I honestly didn't enjoy Fantastic 4, I didn't hate it either. In fact, I'd be willing to watch it again. I don't know if that's a commentary on the movie, or a commentary on my taste in movies - either way, it's probably not good.
My verdict? Only watch this movie if you honestly have no brain left to care about.